


What You Don't Know Can't Hurt You

by S_Oliver



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-12
Updated: 2012-03-13
Packaged: 2017-11-01 21:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/361198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_Oliver/pseuds/S_Oliver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is abused and neglected by Uther and finds himself falling behind in school until he's assigned a senior tutor. Arthur can't help but find himself falling for this intelligent and attractive man. Freshman!Arthur/Senior!Merlin Self-harm, Child Abuse Work In Progress! Story is subject to change. (WIP)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I want to thank my beautiful Cara for this prompt. This fic is written entirely for her.

Arthur sits on his bed alone, another night another fight. His father has just finished yelling in his drunken rage, and was now sitting on the couch watching something on the cable he made Arthur steal from the neighbors. Arthur isn't bruised today, but he's still hurt. Arthur looks at his hands, he closely examines the skin, wondering how God could have put him in such a useless body.

__I've never been so disappointed._ _

__You're worthless, Arthur, worthless._ _

__Morgana is going to college, you can't even pass math._ _

__Stupid fucking idiot son._ _

__Faggot son, panzy son, like your fucking uncle, you're both a bunch of fucking homos._ _

Arthur picks up his phone and goes through the numbers looking for someone who can save him from himself, he instinctively reaches for his hip, holding his hand there. He doesn't want to but he feels like he has to, he feels the need to be free again.

There aren't many numbers in his phone, not a whole lot of people _like_ Arthur, let alone give him their number. His father had taught him via the belt that you don't speak unless spoken to, so Arthur doesn't talk a lot unless he's with Gwaine or Lance, the only two people in the world he feels alright with. The only two people in the world who understand him.

But tonight, they're busy double dating at some fancy restaurant that Arthur "cannot afford": the excuse that he uses when his friends ask him to go out. Arthur envies his friends, considering that he has never been in a relationship. Arthur lays back on the bed and thinks over his life, thinks about the friends he used to have.

One time long ago, before his mother died and Uther started to drink, Arthur had stayed over at a friends house, Mike. Arthur and him had fooled around, you know, stuff kids do when they're seven and curious, but Mike's mother had walked in on them in the middle of the night. Arthur's shorts and briefs around his knees and Mike holding Arthur's penis in his hand

Being a devout Catholic, she took a ruler to both of their backsides and then called Uther at three in the morning, demanding that he pick Arthur up and that Arthur never have contact with Mike again.

When Uther did pick Arthur up, Uther noticed that Arthur had wet himself from either the embarrassment or the shame and that he was standing outside in the cold, shivering. Any normally parent would have cuddled with their child in the front seat before giving him a change of clothes back at the house, but not Uther, no. Uther had made Arthur sleep in those clothes that night and then forced him to go to school in them the next day. When the teacher called Uther that day and asked why Arthur smelled of urine, he simply responded, "I don't know, he dresses himself, you know, independence and all that, so he must have put on a pair he soiled." and when asked if he could bring him an exchange he replied, "Oh no, I wish but I'm about to go into a very important business deal and Ygraine is sleeping, late shifts at the hospital, do you think he can manage throughout the day?" To say that day was the worst day of Arthur's life would be an understatement and Arthur never looked at another guy the same way he looked at Mike for a long time after that.

When Ygraine died, two years later, she had been driving Arthur home from his first football game. Arthur had been telling his mom about how they wanted him to be quarterback because he had such a good throwing arm. His mother was praising him and she took her eyes off the road.

They went through a red light.

A large school bus had collided with the driver's side of the car.

Arthur woke up a week later in the hospital with a fractured skull, a dead mother, and a perpetually drunk father. Uther blamed him, for the next month Uther blamed him with his hands, his belt, his feet, his words. This is when Arthur learned that he could block things out, shade the world grey so good was bad and bad was good.

Arthur knows its the only reason he's still alive today.

Morgana was lucky to get out early. Uther had never hit her, not once, but she still took the edge of a few drunk words. When she was fifteen she got accepted to a boarding school and during the summer she stayed with their grandparents. Arthur had confided in Morgana, she was his rock, the only thing that kept him sane, but once she left, Arthur found himself alone.

And Uther only became more violent.

Arthur's trip down memory lane is interrupted by a pounding on Arthur's door. Arthur instinctively touches his hip bone.

"Arthur! Arthur, God Damn it I need the fucking rent money." Uther screams behind the chipping oak. Arthur sighs and gets up, he walks over to his night stand and gets a few hundreds that he's saved up from his job as an over night janitor at the local convenience store. It's technically not legal that Arthur work that late on school nights but he gets paid under the table so he prefers it.

Arthur opens the door and everything starts to shade to gray. Arthur knows this feeling, he knows it because its how he deals with what's about to happen. Uther is standing in front of him, fist raised, and Arthur knows he's about to be hurt.

The quick blow sends Arthur recoiling across the room before the back of his leg catches on the bed, forcing him to flop down on the mattress. Uther strides across the room and grabs whatever he can of Arthur's short hair. He snatches the money from Arthur's hands and throws Arthur down onto the bed. Arthur lays there, watching the colors of the room flash from gray to red to blue to white to black to gray again. When he's like this, he can't feel pain, he can't feel anger or hatred, when he's like this he can only feel colors, something that he doesn't quite understand.

Uther grumbles as he goes through the bills.

"Where's the rest of it?" Uther screams.

"It's all I have, Father." Arthur answers monotone. His voice is as empty and hollow as his eyes are. Uther doesn't notice, instead he brings a fist up into the air and slams it into Arthur's stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

"If this is all you have next week you better find another fucking place to live, you hear?"

Arthur flinches as Uther slams the door shut. Arthur hears his footsteps fade as he walks down the hall to his room. The colors in the room begin to fade back and Arthur clutches his stomach. He rolls over, tears streaming down his face. He gets up and weakly walks into the bathroom, shaking hands reaches under the sink and Arthur finds his case, his favorite black case. Inside he pulls out a scalpel and drops his pants and boxers. He stands in front of the mirror looking at himself, naked save for a shirt. He runs his eyes over his face, seeing the slight red hue stain the tanned skin right on his cheekbone. He doesn't think it'll bruise which is good, now people won't ask questions. He eyes over his slightly hairy legs, his knees, he tries to think of what kind of man he would need to be to earn his father's love. He stares at his own cock, gently coated with blond hair, hanging slightly from his pelvis. He stares at it for a long time and he wonders if he slammed it into some girl, if that would make his father love him. Maybe if he got married to a woman, maybe if he made love to one, maybe if he wasn't such a fucking faggot–

Arthur tightly grips the blade in his hand and brings it to his side. Fresh red lines cross the white skin and he follows them like a stencil, reopening the old wounds, letting blood flow down his leg. Arthur chokes out a sob and continues to drag the blade into his skin.

_Eight._

_Nine._

_Ten._

_Eleven._

_Twelve._

Arthur rolls his eyes into the back of his head and stands there. The blood is running down his leg, seeping into his red boxers. Arthur sighs and grabs the blood stained towel he keeps under the sink, he applies pressure to the cuts and sits own on the toilet seat. He's panting, the pain from Uther's rage is leaving him now, his body is shaking in a post-euphoric high. This is  _his_ pain, these are  _his_ scars, they belong to  _him._

After what feel's like an eternity pulls the towel from his leg. He puts everything back where it belongs and walks out into his bed room, the clock catches his eye: Nine Thirty.

"Shit", Arthur says under his breath. He quickly throws his coat over himself, walks through the house; out of the door, and heads to his overnight job.

* * *

Arthur doesn't get back until three. He quietly unlocks the door and walks into the house. He immediately sees Uther lying on the floor, half way into the kitchen. A puddle of vomit only a few feet behind him. Arthur sighs and grabs a towel, quickly cleaning the mess.

"W-What the fuck... What are you doing?" Uther grumbles.

"Clean up your vomit, Father." Arthur replies and continues scrubbing the carpet until only a fait stain and scent are left behind.

Uther tries to sit up and looks at Arthur as if he's going to hit him but instead just slumps back down onto the ground.

"Do a good job." Uther mumbles before falling back to sleep, snoring against the tiled floor.

As soon as Arthur is done cleaning he gets a pillow from the couch and puts it under his father's head. He drapes a blanket over him and walks back to his room. He pulls out his phone and flips through his texts. Apparently Gwaine and Lance had a great night. Lance got laid, Gwaine didn't Arthur chuckles to himself before remembering the earlier events. He instantly becomes jealous of Lance, his cock throbbing in his pants at the thought of getting "laid", more so because of the potential acceptance but a part of him really wants to know what its like to love someone with more than just words.

Arthur shakes those thoughts from his head and undresses. His thigh is sore but its healing over nicely. Arthur applies a thin layer of disinfectant from his nightstand before covering it with gauze and bandage tape. He pats it and then crawls into bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

* * *

Arthur wakes hours later to the gentle ring of his phone. Arthur was never a heavy sleeper and, luckily, could function well with only a few hours of sleep. Arthur pulls himself out of bed and into the shower. The hot water wakes him up and he begins to remember his dream from last night as he soaps his body. He was hanging out with Lance last night, they were on a date.

" _So Arthur, did you know that I love you?" Lance asked._

_Arthur choked on his grilled cheese._

" _I really do Arthur, I really really do. You're good enough for me, hell, you're good enough for anyone."_

_Arthur began to blush._

" _Love me, Arthur, please?" Lance asked._

Arthur drops his soapy hand to his groin, he strokes himself gently, feeling it swell in his hands. His other hand is washing his chest, his cock reacts every time he brushes over a nipple, so Arthur doesn't stop rubbing them.

_All of a sudden they're in Arthur's room. Lance is kissing Arthur, licking his lips, biting his neck. Arthur is trying not to moan, he doesn't want Uther to hear. Lance drops to his knees and begins working on Arthur._

Arthur is quickly stroking himself now. His dream ends there but his imagination is running away with him.

_Lance pulls him into the bed and Arthur lays back, Lance lubs up his fingers and slides them inside Arthur. Lance continues to work on Arthur's cock as he fingers him open. Arthur grabs the sheets and twists them in his hands._

Arthur reaches behind him and plays with himself, mimicking what he thinks Lance would do. He's so close to climax.

_Arthur moans loudly and Lance gets up on top of him. Lance slowly slides into Arthur, never breaking eye contact. Arthur smiles up and him and pulls him into a kiss. When they break Lance drops to Arthur's neck, he kisses and bites around his ear and neck._

" _You're good enough for me, Arthur."_

_There's a pounding on the door._

"What? No, shit." Arthur says as he starts to back down from his orgasm. He palms himself expertly but he can't seem to bring it back.

_Uther barges in, his eyes are thick with fury. He quickly grabs Lance and throws him onto the floor. Uther leaps at Arthur and slams his fists into him, breaking his body apart._

Arthur can feel himself deflating until he's completely limp. "God  _damn it!_ " Arthur screams. He punches the tiled wall of the bathroom with his right hand, wincing as a wave of pain radiates through his bones and knuckles. Arthur washes himself off; his balls aching from the lack of release. He rips his fingers through his hair, doing his best to get the shampoo out so he can quickly get dressed and forget.

 _Even in my fantasies he's always there, tormenting me._ Arthur thinks, he can even hear Uther's voice in his head,  _"S'what you get for being a faggot."_.

Arthur calms himself down and gets dressed. He walks past Uther's body, still sleeping on the floor, and resists the urge to kick him, bludgeon his head in, end it all here. He raises his foot to do just that and he wonders what the police would say, wonders if he could blame it on self defense. All Arthur can see is Uther's head smashed into the ground, brain matter and blood covering his shoe. It would be freedom.

But then Arthur remembers the better years. He remembers when he and Morgana were little, during Christmas when Uther and his mother had gotten them both large and extravagant gifts. Arthur had gotten a Playstation and Morgana had gotten a huge doll house to play in. Uther had hugged him that day and told him that he was the best son a dad could wish for.

_The best son a dad could wish for._

_Best son._

Arthur can't shake the fact that he still loves his father, so he lowers his foot and he gets a glass of expired juice and washes down some stale bread, ready for another day at school.

* * *

He gets a text from Gwaine as he walks to the bus station. The cool Autumn air is gentle on his face.

**How was ur day yesterday? - G**

**Fine. - A**

**Y didnt u txt me back last nite? - G**

**Work. - A**

**O thats rite. Fuckin dad still makin u work huh? - G**

**Of course. Someone has to pay the bills. - A**

**Dam well u cumin 2 my party 2nite? Bunch of hot girls. - G**

**Maybe. Dunno what shift I'm working tonight. - A**

**Just one drink? - G**

Arthur sighs as he gets on the bus. He and Gwaine have been best friends since he was six. He knew that his father would be furious but maybe if he stayed out late enough he could sneak back into the house after his father went to bed. He sits in the back next to some Asian girl that always tries to tell him about her love life. He pretends to listen, too tired each morning to tell her off. He replies quickly before she can start rambling on about Khan Cho.

**Fine, but there better be booze and enough of it to make me forget. - A**

**Forget what, mate? - G**

_Stupid English slang,_ Arthur thinks as he fingers linger over the keys for just a minute. He wants to tell Gwaine everything, that he's a pansy, that he likes cock, that he wants to run away, run as far and as fast as he can until his heart explodes, instead he just types a simple response, and tucks his phone away in his pocket, getting ready to hear the useless droning of Chatty Chang.

**Everything. - A**

* * *

Arthur is stopped before he reaches his first class. Its his  _favorite_  teacher, Mr. Anderson. Arthur knows this can only mean trouble considering he's been borderline failing his class all year, something about Math just puts him off. Numbers don't make as much sense as words to and while Arthur could write all day, he has a difficult time multiplying two one-digit numbers together, even on paper.

"Arthur, can I talk to you for a moment?" Mr. Anderson asks. Arthur knows that its a rhetorical question so he just nods his head.

"I've been worried about your grades and I've talked to the principal about it. If you're interested we have a very unique proposal for you. Would you like to go over it?"

Arthur thinks for a second. "I have to get to class, I don't think Mrs. D will tolerate me if I'm late for class again."

"That should be no problem, I'll write you a slip for today." Mr. Anderson replies. Arthur thinks over it for another second and then nods, following Mr. Anderson down the hall towards the main office. Arthur thinks in his head how this could possibly be good.

Mr. Anderson leads Arthur into a large meeting room. At the end of the table is a young slender man, someone Arthur has seen before a few times in the school. Beside him is Mrs. Krane, the school guidance councilor. Mr. Anderson motions Arthur to sit at the opposite side of the table, next to where he's taking his seat.

Arthur sits and slightly winces at the few seconds of awkward silence before Mrs. Krane begins to speak.

"So, Arthur. We're here to talk to you about your slipping grades in Algebra." Mrs. Krane explains. "You are a very smart boy, you scored very high on your state exams in English but not in Math, we think Merlin here," she points to the scrawny kid, "can help you with that."

Arthur only nods. Merlin extends his hand. Arthur looks at it for a few seconds before accepting. He flinches as Merlin's first shake irritates the knuckles that collided with the tiled wall this morning. Arthur can't help but find "Merlin" attractive. He's tall, much taller than Arthur, he guesses that Merlin is about five foot ten? Where as Arthur himself is only five six. He knows he's still growing but that doesn't put off the fact that Arthur likes tall men.

"Can I have my hand back?" Merlin awkwardly asks.

"Oh." Arthur gapes, "Y-yums?"

_Oh my god what just came out of my mouth._

"Yums?" Merlin asks?

"I was going to say um but I started to say yes and... it didn't work out well?" Arthur tries to explain. He begins to blush a bright red and Mr. Anderson saves the day by interjecting, "Well, Arthur, Merlin here is a brilliant Math student and he's agreed to tutor you."

Arthur shakes his head. "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't afford that. I can barely make rent."

Mrs. Krane looks at him confused and she opens a folder with Arthur's name on it. "Make rent? Arthur you don't have a workers permit listed here."

Arthur stammers and then quickly catches the lie. "I meant my father can barely make rent. Sorry, I'm not really awake yet."

Mrs. Krane chuckles, "That's quite alright dear. Reguardless, Merlin is tutoring for free, its part of his Outreach program for his Senior Project. He'll work with you during your third period study hall starting today and work with you every day until your final exams."

"Just me?" Arthur asks. "I thought tutors has multiple subjects."

"We usually do," Merlin answers, "But my project is about helping one student reach his full potential instead of helping ten reach just above passing. I want to work with you and make you an A student, not a C+ student."

Arthur thinks this over in his head. "So, no payment and free tutoring?" Arthur asks.

"Yup." Mrs. Krane responds. "Mr. Anderson is willing to let you retake your tests as well. We want to do get out of this place Arthur, see the world, we think this is the best way to make that happen. You'll report here instead of the usual study hall from now on unless told otherwise. It's much quieter here and Merlin's study has shown that a quiet environment with little distractions is the best place to work"

Arthur nods in response and gives her a smile. They all get up and he shakes hands with both Mrs. Krane and Merlin, being careful not to let his hand linger too long this time. As they leave Mr. Anderson walks him to his second period class and he talks about the opportunities that he wants Arthur to have, like entering some of his writing into contests and submitting them to publishers.

It seems like for the first time in Arthur's life things are going well.

* * *

Arthur anxiously walks into the meeting room. Merlin is already there sitting at the end of the table. He has multiple books spread out and he's reading a paper. Arthur can't help but take in how attractive Merlin is. Thick black rimmed glasses that are both stylish and sleek, giving Merlin the appearance of being sophisticated and intelligent but not pretentious or arrogant. Merlin looks up and catches Arthur's gaze.

"Hey, glad you could join me." Merlin says smiling. Arthur's swallows and smiles back. Merlin extends his hand to the seat beside him and Arthur takes the cue.

"So," Merlin begins as Arthur takes his seat, "I've been going over your tests to see where you're making the errors and it seems that most of it is coming from the graphing parts of the math."

Arthur nods his head. "I've never been very articulate visually, I can work out some math on paper but it all jumbles together in some large chaotic explosion which either ends up with me ripping the paper up or walking away and forgetting about it."

Merlin starts to laugh and Arthur looks at him confused. "Quite the colorful vocabulary, huh?" Merlin asks.

Arthur blushes for the second time that day and nods. "I like words."

"Words, eh?" Merlin thinks over, scratching the stubble on his chin. Arthur wants to reach out and touch it. "I can relate to that, I like numbers and I think I know how we can fix you up."

Arthur only smiles and nods, he feels like he does that too much but he doesn't care.

_I can't believe I'm sitting in a room, alone, with a hot guy who's about to teach me to divide numbers. How can I learn anything about division when all I'm thinking about is how to divide his legs. Did I really just make that joke? Oh lord, I did._

"What's so funny?" Merlin asks.

Arthur quickly straightens up, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He hadn't realized he'd been laughing.

"Nothing, nothing." Arthur hastily responds, "So this is called a parabola?"


	2. Chapter 2

That night Arthur finds himself on the doorstep of Gwaine's house. He knows he shouldn't be here, but he can't leave his best friend hanging on his sixteenth birthday. The music is loud, but Gwaine lives far enough in the middle of nowhere that no one will call the police. That also means he can drink as much as he wants, let the alcohol wash away the purple stains on his stomach and chest.

Arthur is surprised when he enters the house. A bunch of people he doesn't even know are there: Upper classmen, jocks, preps, cheerleaders, and even some kids from the not-so-popular club that Arthur swore he was president of.

"Hafthur!"

Arthur spins around to see Gwaine running at him with a big grin.

"Yahoo made at, mite!" Gwaine slurs. He slings an arm over Arthur and leans on him, almost sending both of them to the ground. Gwaine giggles a bit and then starts dragging him off towards the middle of the house.

"It's only eight! How are you this drunk already?" Arthur asks, laughing.

"Hive bean drinkin' since like..." Gwaine trails off. "So yew know, I half a perfucked girl for yew."

Arthur's heart stops in his chest.  _What?_

"She's reeeeaaaalllly cutey and she's a..." Gwaine leans in really close, "virgin."

Arthur takes a moment to process this and swallows. For some reason the throught of getting with a virgin makes him excited, but he can't stop thinking about Merlin. He knows they're not together, obviously, but it somehow feels like cheating. Arthur knows that whoever this girl is, she could never give him the satisfaction that a guy could.

"There she iiiiss!" Gwaine yells. "Gwen! Heeey! Gwen!"

Arthur looks over to see a tall black girl turn around. Arthur is indeed mesmerized. She has long curly black hair, and a face that would belong to a president's wife, or a movie star. She's wearing a tank top and shorts that leave almost nothing to the imagination. She walks over to Gwaine.

"So, is this Arthur?" She asks.

Arthur looks to Gwaine who's looking at him.

"Yeah, yeah," Arthur stammers, "This is Arthur – er, I'm, I mean  _I'm_  Arthur."

Gwen eyes him up before nodding. "You were right, he  _is_ cute."

Arthur turns to Gwaine, "You think I'm cute?"

Gwaine laughs and then coughs and Arthur fears that he's going to throw up, but when Gwaine starts to laugh again he cools his jets. Arthur hates vomit, especially Gwaine's.

"Harfur, er'y one thinks you're hot," Gwaine slurs. "Now go, mingle, have fun. This is my birfday and you half to do whut I say. Go, go." Gwaine shoos them off with his hands and stumbles into a crowd of people behind him.

Arthur turns back to Gwen, who's biting her lip and looking at him seductively. Arthur doesn't quite know what to do here. He's never seen her before so he assumes she's older than him, and by the looks of her features she's a  _lot_ older, junior at least.

"Do you wanna go upstairs and...  _talk_?" Gwen asks.

Arthur nods and takes a deep swallow.  _Talking, yes, talking is good. We can talk and then hopefully that will end and I can drown in a pool of my own embarrassment._

Gwen giggles excitedly, grabs his hand, and drags him upstairs to Gwaine's room. The room, it seems, was already prepared. Gwen closes the door and then sits on the edge of the bed. She pats the comforter and beckons Arthur to sit, so he does.

The room is silent and awkward for a few moments. Gwen looks around and plays with her hands, then her shirt.

"So... what do you like to do?" Gwen asks.

"Read." Arthur replies dryly. He doesn't mean to come off so simple, but he doesn't quite know what he's supposed to say. She giggles and curls her hair behind her ear.

"I like a smart man," she says and she leans in to kiss Arthur.

This is not the first kiss that Arthur was expecting. It's rough and its brief, triggering feelings Arthur' didn't know he had, maybe he  _could be_ straight. Gwen pulls back and covers her mouth with her hand.

"Oh I'm so sorry," she says, but Arthur knows she's not. He can see right through her poorly convoluted plan to sleep with him, right here, in Gwaine's room,  _sex_.

Arthur wants to say no, he wants to run away and hide. He wants to find Merlin and curl up in his arms, ask him if it's okay to be gay. He knows Merlin would say yes, Merlin is that kind of a guy.

But that's not the reality he's living. He's living a life where he needs to be straight, where he needs his father's acceptance, and the acceptance of his peers. He needs to live a life that people can be proud of him for, not some pansy life that a fag lives.

So when Gwen leans in to kiss him again, he doesn't stop her. He lets her lips glide over his all too rough, and he lets her hands drop to his pants all too hard, and he lets her tongue swipe the inside of his mouth all too fast.

She slides her hands up his shirt and grips the hem line, pulling it up over his head. Arthur panics and remembers at the last moment why he shouldn't have let her, and Gwen's gasp solidifies it.

"Arthur, what happened?" Gwen asks.

Arthur doesn't know how to respond.

"Fell, at school," he replies; beginning to sweat. Hopefully Gwen will just see that as a sign of arousal, and not fear or embarrassment.

"Arthur, I'm planning on being a doctor. This isn't a fall bruise. It looks like someone hit you with something,  _hard_ ," Gwen firmly confronts. She eyes him over and Arthur looks away.

"I landed on a traffic cone when I was playing with some friends, it's nothing really," Arthur lies.

Gwen eyes him over again and nods, satisfied with his answer even though he's changed the story. She leans in again and takes his lips into her own, running her hands over his smooth chest, down his stomach, rubbing the light hair traveling from his navel to his –

Arthur's mind is quickly taken over by Merlin. He thinks how Merlin would handle this, what Merlin would do to him. Arthur doesn't understand why he's so infatuated with him, but something about him makes his flesh heat up and his body tingle. He realizes all too quickly that it's not Merlin's hands wrapped around his cock, but Gwen's.

He quickly pushes her away and she stumbles off the bed and onto the floor. Arthur's eyes are wide with horror as she looks up at him, tears in her eyes.

"Arthur, what the fuck?" Gwen yells.

"Gwen, I'm so sorry," Arthur cries. He rushes to her aid but she just slaps him.

"Don't touch me." Gwen takes time to enunciate each word and then gets to her feet. She's crying now as she reaches for the door.

_She's going to tell everyone you hit her._

_She's going to tell everyone the kind of man that you are._

_Tell her the truth._

"Gwen wait!" Arthur yells, but she doesn't stop. She turns the handle of the door.

"I'm gay!' Arthur says quietly. Gwen stops in motion and she lets go of the doorknob.

"These bruises... they're from my dad," Arthur confesses. He puts his head in his hands and starts to cry. Gwen quickly runs over to him, her own eyes drying up.

All she can manage to say is, "What?"

"I'm so sorry I pushed you I just... I was scared," Arthur cries and he leans into her shoulder. She reaches her hand up and strokes his hair.

"I'm so sorry, Arthur." Gwen whispers. "I won't tell anyone, okay."

Arthur nods and they spend the next few hours there talking about his life and his family until he finally falls asleep in her arms, exhausted.

* * *

Arthur wakes up at almost three in the morning. He doesn't have a shift tonight so he's lucky, but he immediately realizes that he needs to get home. He sees Gwen sleeping next to him, cuddling with the blanket. Arthur gently shakes her.

"Hey Gwen, I'm going home now," Arthur says. Gwen mumbles something along the lines of "Okay" and "Be careful."

Arthur walks from Gwaine's to his home which is only a mile or so away. It gives him time to think. He's made a friend, he realizes; someone who understands him and is willing to help him through this.

As Arthur enters his apartment, he thinks that everything is going so well.

Until a broom handle finds its way into his stomach and a firm hand pulls him into the living room, tossing him onto the floor.

_Gray._

"Where the fuck have you been, Arthur?" Uther screams. He takes the room and slams it down onto Arthur's back, a loud crack fills the room.

_It's all gray._

Uther brings the handle down again and again. "Don't. You. Know. That. I've. Been," Uther grunts in between blows, "Worried. SICK?"

_Merlin._

The broom handle breaks on Arthur's back and Uther screams in a rage. Their neighbors moved out years ago, so this floor is completely empty and deaf to Uther's rage. Lucky Arthur.

_Merlin, please._

Uther walks off and gets a small bucket, and then he dumps it on Arthur. The smell of ammonia and urine fills the room.

_Merlin, I don't know what I'm going to do if I have to take another day of this._

"This is what you're worth, boy." Uther screams. "Piss!"

_Merlin. Please._

Arthur falls asleep there. Gray still behind his eyelids as they flutter close.

* * *

Arthur finds himself looking forward to his tutoring sessions, and it seems Merlin doesn't notice the light bruises on his face, or why he hunches over in pain when something makes contact with his back. Arthur enjoys the company, the tutoring, and the ignorance. It gives him a place to call his own, a place where things don't hurt, a haven beyond the gray.

Things also seem to get better after that. Uther doesn't hit Arthur for almost a week, a new record in Arthur's book. Arthur is also done with his first week of tutoring, and each day he finds himself more and more attracted to Merlin, and more and more mathematically inclined.

_You're doing great, seriously. I've never seen someone catch on so fast._

_You're just saying that._

_No, really, you have a firm grasp, you just needed an extra careful teacher to help you over the bumps._

_Are you calling me a special student?_

_Of course not! Quite the contrary –_

_Merlin, it was a joke._

_Oh, right. Sorry._

Gwen is talking to him a lot, too. He texts her more than he texts Gwaine and Lance, even though Lance never really texted in the first place. Arthur's back is still riddled with bruises and lashes from  _that_  night, but he shrugs them off as best as he can, moving forward with his life, or trying to at least.

* * *

After the second week he's able to get caught up through all the tests he's failed there aren't many but its enough to give Arthur a feel of achievement. At the end of that week, Merlin orders pizza for them and they sit and chat, no more work to catch up on until next week.

"So, do you like sports?" Merlin asks.

"Meh," Arthur replies with a mouth full of pizza. He holds his finger up and takes a minute to chew and swallow, chasing the dough with a wash of cherry coke. "I enjoyed playing football when I was younger but it wasn't really for me."

"You enjoyed it but it wasn't for you?" Merlin runs those words over in his head, confused.

"Well, my dad used to work – er, I mean he does work for a business company, and when my mom died I had no one to take me to and from game so..." Arthur trails off and lingers on that thought for a moment. He doesn't notice Merlin watching him intently.

There's a brief moment where Merlin reaches his hand out and touches Arthur's. Arthur doesn't flinch and Merlin just squeezes it.

"I lost my father, when I was young," Merlin confesses. "My mom has had to struggle to take care of things, and it's been rough on her."

Arthur looks up to meet his gaze. He nods and takes his hand from Merlin's, reaching for another slice of pizza. He doesn't plan on eating that slice, he just doesn't want Merlin to know that he doesn't want to be touched.

They spend a few minutes in silence after that. Arthur nibbles on his pizza while Merlin writes things down in a notebook, Arthur assumes homework. It's almost time to leave, when Merlin stretches back and yawns, letting his shirt ride up and shutting his eyes tight. Arthur is enticed by the view. He can see a dark trail of hair running from the top of Merlin's jeans up his stomach, and Arthur wonders how far it goes, and then his mind runs away with him.

_I wonder if he has hairy nipples._

_I wonder if he likes his nipples played with, like I do._

_I wonder if he'd ever really be interested in me._

Arthur lets out a silent laugh and takes a bite of his pizza.

_How can someone who's not good enough for his father be good enough for anyone, Arthur? Are you stupid?_

When Merlin finishes stretching and groaning he opens his eyes and gives Arthur a big smile; Arthur returns it.

_I guess you are, huh?_

* * *

Arthur rides the bus to school that day in silence. Chatty Chang is apparently absent so he gets the seat to himself. He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulls it out.

**Hey, you okay? - Gwen**

**Yeah, I'm good. - A**

**Uther still a prick? - Gwen**

**Always. - A**

**So I was wondering, do you wanna go out? - Gwen**

Arthur stares at his phone for a brief second confused and then he gets another text.

**As in pretend. I'm tired of guys always up my ass and you need the persona that you're straight. - Gwen**

Arthur thinks this over in his head, and it sounds like a good plan. Maybe he can even bring her home to Uther and maybe, just maybe, he'll accept him as a man and as a son.

**Sure, that sounds wonderful actually. - A**

A few seconds later he gets a text from Gwaine.

**So wots up with u n Gale? - G**

**It's Gwen, actually, and we're dating now. - A**

**No shit. - G**

* * *

They publicly integrate their plan that day. Arthur holds hands with Gwen as they roam the halls before homeroom, and they watch as everyone eyes them over.

Arthur likes the attention. He feels proud and manly, having such a sweet and beautiful girl on his arm. His phone blows up from Gwaine and Lance, commenting on how obscene he's being and how tight she is and asking if she gives good head. Arthur ignores these, and instead lingers on the one text he didn't expect, and it sends a shiver down his spine.

**So, you and Gwen huh? - M**

Arthur looks up and sees Merlin down the hall standing outside of his Senior homeroom class. Arthur holds his gaze for just a second before turning away and walking up a flight of stairs.

He quickly responds.

**Yeah, I guess. - A**

**It seems more than a guess. She's a smart girl, I'm happy for you. :) - M**

**Thanks. - A**

A few moments pass before Arthur gets another text.

**I have a surprise for you. I hope you like it. - M**

Arthur's heart sinks in his chest. More people pass him and Gwen and wave, cheer, congratulate.

_A surprise?_

For some reason, Arthur can't shake the feeling that he's cheated, and its ripping him apart.

* * *

Merlin walks casually up the long flight of stairs. He reaches the top and turns right, heading straight for the teacher's bathroom; being an honors student and a tutor has it perks. He opens the door and slides inside, sitting on the toilet seat. He takes out a bottle from his pocket. The label is worn but it still reads clear.

_Vicodin._

Merlin sighs as he pops a few pills, biting one of them between his teeth to get a quick fix. His eyes roll into the back of his head and he takes out his phone.

**Yeah, I guess. - A**

Merlin slams his head against the wall in front of him, feeling pain radiate through his skull and down his back. He tries to calm himself down.

**It seems more than a guess. She's a smart girl, I'm happy for you. :) - M**

Merlin holds his breath and lets the drugs take their effect. He feels time mellow out and his body numb, washing over him a wave of euphoria. His perfect escape.

**Thanks. - A**

Merlin pulls out two movie tickets from his pocket, he had planned to ask Arthur to go with him that night, he knows Arthur is a little young but he's intelligent, funny, cute, and everything Merlin likes in a guy.

But Arthur obviously has been  _oblivious_  to Merlin's advances, and Merlin knows that it would be wrong to date your student, ethics and all that jazz.

And, of course, Arthur is  _evidently_ straight, hence why he didn't pick up on it.

_I can at least help him be happy, give him the tickets, give him girl advice._

_Yeah, you know, live vicariously through him._

_Just another year in this hell hole._

_Just one more year._

Merlin sighs against the wall. He hears the morning bell ring and he quickly types out a response to Arthur.

_Here goes nothing._

**I have a surprise for** **you. I hope you like it. - M**


End file.
